The Keys To Fighting Fair

FIGHTING FAIR << did you know this IS possible? 😵

I heard someone recently say “there’s no such thing as fighting fair!”

Actually, there is, and I’m here to dismantle this for you 🙃

As a therapist and now relationship mastery coach, I love helping people understand that there IS such thing as healthy conflict.

💘Healthy conflict between two people shows that both parties are being H.O.T. (honest, open, transparent) about their beliefs and values around something and they’re taking a stand for it. 

As individuals from two different paths, your beliefs are of course going to vary from time to time, and when those beliefs are brought to the surface, this is often when “conflict” arises.

👉🏼When this conflict arises, it’s the pivotal point where either fighting fair, or going down a very unhealthy, unfair, damaging path can take place.

When one wants to win, be right, feel justified, their actions result in unhealthy behavior, and “not fighting fair”.👇🏼

Examples of the unhealthy behavior include:

• Serious name calling (things one might say to an enemy, not someone he/she loves)

• Intentionally saying very hurtful and/or untrue things specifically about their character and integrity

• Labeling & categorizing them (ex: telling them that they’re psychotic, a narcissist, would never be half the person so and so is, a failure, will never be good enough, etc.)

• Yelling/screaming over them (not giving them a chance to even speak) 

• Dismissing them altogether once you’ve spewed but not allowing them to share how they feel

• Holding double standards of behavior (ex: you’re allowed to do something but they aren’t)

• Justification of emotionally damaging behavior (ex: believing what you said/did to hurt them was warranted because they pissed you off)

🔑Conversely, here are some examples of what fighting fair looks like in a conscious relationship:

• Expressing yourself with the intent to grow from and progress forward from the conflict 

• Respecting the other persons view (even if you disagree) and actually l i s t e n i n g to them with the intent to truly understand where they’re coming from

• Repeating back to the other person what you’re hearing them convey to make sure further miscommunication doesn’t take place

• Being able to ask for what you need form a place of love (rather than demanding or making ultimatums) 

• Focusing on a resolution that works for both of you

💡The idea of fighting fair and nurturing a healthy relationship is very possible, and the very first step is to look within yourself and take full responsibility for your actions and beliefs, being willing to dismantle your ego around the ways things are “supposed” to be according to what you’ve learned/been told throughout your life, and instead, create a new, true, healthy belief around your OWN moral compass.

We need to know we have a choice, and once we know better, we can do better.👍🏼

I invite you to reflect back on the last conflict that arose in your relationship. Were you fighting fair or unfair? 

Begin to practice the behaviors listed above when conflict arises, and the easier it will become to maintain the most thriving, mutually fulfilling relationship!

Cheers to nourishing love!💜